Shanghai Surprise (1986) - Movie Review

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We have to do it guys! I know how you feel but we have to! Are you ready to delve into the cinematographic oddity that is Shanghai Surprise? 

As Cinderella's mother said: "Have courage and be kind". 

Let's do this!

(Madonna and Sean Penn as Gloria Tatlock and Glendon Wasey, 

both visibly scared to read this review).

CREDITS

The movie was directed by Jim Goddard and was released on August 29, 1986. It stars Sean Penn as Glendon Wasey, Madonna as Gloria Tatlock, Paul Freeman as Walter Faraday, Sonserai Lee as China Doll, Richard Griffiths as Willie Tuttle, Victor Hong as Ho Chong, Lim Kay Tong as Mei Gan and Clyde Kusatsu as Joe Go. 

George Harrison, who worked on the soundtrack for the movie, also appears as a nightclub singer. 

BASIC PLOT

Shanghai, 1938.
Gloria Tatlock, an American missionary nurse, is looking for a supply of opium to ease the suffering of her patients. One year earlier, the opium had been misteriously stolen and Gloria wants to find it at all costs.
She asks Glendon Wasey, an American guy who sells ties for a living, to help her with her search. If he helps her, she will give him a ticket to come back to America. Wasey accepts but the mission is extremely dangerous for both of them, as the local criminals are looking for the valuable opium too.

(Madonna and Sean Penn on the set of Shanghai Surprise)

REVIEW

The movie

When the dramatic scenes make you laugh, you know a movie is bad. Shaghai Surprise is a badly scripted, badly directed, badly acted excuse of a movie. It is painful to think over $17 million were wasted to make this disaster.
As the movie proceeds you find yourself wondering if anyone involved actually knew what was going on. The characters are cretins with zero and I mean zero personality or development, the actors knew this movie was bad so they didn't even bother with their performances (Sean Penn admitted he was drunk for almost the entire duration of the shooting). The music is one of the very few things I'd like to save, George Harrison did a good job with the title song Shanghai Surprise. 
The frustrating thing about this movie is that it could have been at least mediocre if some more thought was put into it. The exotic setting was there, the crazy and funny story was there, mysterious characters like Faraday and China Doll were there, Sean Penn and Madonna at their beauty peak were there. In substance, the ingredients were there, too bad they were stale, all of them.

Gloria Tatlock: A portrait

(Madonna as Gloria Tatlock, photographed by 

Herb Ritts)

A gorgeous but clueless blond, Gloria Tatlock is an American girl who left Massachusetts to come to Shanghai and become a missionary nurse, after the infamous Battle of Shanghai.
As the story progresses she falls in love with Glendon Wasey and they end up together after finding the opium.
Yes, that's pretty much it. Like every other character in the movie, she doesn't have a particular trait and she doesn't grow one bit. It is an incredibly one-dimensional character.
On a positive note, Madonna looks absolutely gorgeous as Gloria: the clothes, the hair, the make-up, that adorable, innocent but sensual attitude.

(Madonna as Gloria Tatlock).

So how was Madonna's acting performance?
You know what? I'm not mad at it. I think she does a pretty good job as Gloria, it's not her fault if the character, like the movie itself, is dreadful. I find her acting on point for 3/4 of the film. I admit it, she briefly enters "Razzie Award" territory during the scene at the port towards the end of the movie, when every criminal who wants the opium gets eliminated (when she insults Glendon or when she screams "I can't accept it! I can't accept it!" after the opium is temporarily stolen again, in particular). Her charm is back during the very last scenes of the movie though.

(Madonna as Gloria Tatlock, 

photographed by Herb Ritts).

I find incredibly annoying and unfair that with all the Razzie Award nominations this movie got, only Madonna ended up winning the award for Worst Actress. To me she was the only one who knew what she was doing. The difficult relationship between Madonna and Hollywood started with this movie, with the former always giving her all (and most of the times showcasing good, even great acting skills) and the latter intentionally giving her a hard time, scared the biggest popstar of all time would conquer the movie industry too....but hey, that's just my opinion.

Critical and commercial performance

Shanghai Surprise was an enormous commercial flop, grossing only $2,3 million on a budget of $17 million.
Critically, it also received extremely negative reviews. The Philadelphia Inquirer said: "Shanghai Surprise is so dismally scripted and directed that no one could redeem it....an atmospheric, handsomely shot and, sadly, utterly empty piece of work."
The movie received six nominations at the 7th Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Sean Penn), Worst Actress (Madonna), Worst Picture, Worst Director (Jim Goddard), Worst Original Song ("Shanghai Surprise") and Worst Screenplay. Only Madonna ended up winning, as already stated in the previous paragraph.
In addition, the movie also received a nomination at the Stinkers Bad Movie Awards for Worst Picture. 

In conclusion...

Now listen, if you want to watch a good movie starring Madonna, watch Desperately Seeking Susan, Evita, Dick Tracy, A League of Their Own or Dangerous Game. 
If you want to have a laugh, if you want to watch a "so bad it's good" movie, if you're a child of the 80's who used to ship Madonna and Sean Penn and you want to see them at their beauty peak, charmingly silly and in love on screen, then watch Shanghai Surprise. 
To quote Miranda Priestley: "That's all". 


"Let your body move to the music".